


Suffocating

by newtheglue



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 04:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14417742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newtheglue/pseuds/newtheglue
Summary: The definition of suffocation is “the state or process of dying from being deprived of air or unable to breathe.”Nick has felt the sensation many times.





	Suffocating

The definition of suffocation is _“the state or process of dying from being deprived of air or unable to breathe.”_

Nick has felt the sensation many times.

It’s the overwhelming sensation of an overdose. The realization that no one in the junkie den had cared enough to note how much he had taken. It’s everyone around him laughing, and yelling, all while Nick slurs out pathetic attempts at asking for help. It’s Gloria, ultimately, who calls for help, and after what feels like hours, his lungs are able to draw in a proper breath.

It’s the crushing weight of his father’s death- knowing the last person who had faith in him is gone. He cries on his mother’s shoulder, on Gloria’s, his lungs screaming for air between sobs. Eventually, in a haze of heroin and booze, he forgets about the pain and breathes steadily.

It’s the start of the end- seeing his girlfriend _gnawing_ on someone’s flesh, covered in blood that isn’t her own. He feels his breath hitch. He’s gone insane. It’s not until his mother and Travis witness Calvin’s reanimated corpse that he breathes a sigh of relief.

It’s his sister telling him that she hates him. He replies with a breathless, “I know.” His mind is a mantra of _you should’ve done better, you should’ve been here, look at what she’s gone through because of you, you’re a horrible brother._ Later, when Alicia wraps her arms around him, he takes a sharp breath.

It’s Luciana leaving- her absence like a kick to his gut, knocking the air from his chest.

His breath doesn’t return until he falls in love with a deranged boy who clings to his family like they’re his only source of air. It’s _wrong_ , Nick is well-aware. But he can’t help the way the other boy intoxicates him, rushing through his veins like some otherworldly drug. When Troy is near him, Nick breathes more easily than he ever has.

The suffocating feeling returns with the swoop of a hammer.

There’s blood, and his mother refusing to be blamed, and Troy’s body lying lifelessly in the ditch below.

Nick feels as if his breath has been completely ripped from his body. His lungs ache, his entire being crying for air that will not come.

Only this time, with the detonator clasped firmly in his hands, he doesn’t bother waiting to see if his breath will return.


End file.
